my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
