You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
