I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
