I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
