He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
