dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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