Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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