It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
