I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
