she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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