there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
