I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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