She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
