im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
