ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
