your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
