I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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