real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
