someone get that fucking seahorse.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
