I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize