we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
