hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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