No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
