My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
