he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the condom got lost in my hair
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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