My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
