Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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