Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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