last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
