the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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