Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
