just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
