Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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