I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
