She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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