so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
