I got chris browned last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
