i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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