Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
