I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
