If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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