I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
