Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
