Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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