there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
