so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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