Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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