a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
