I have demons in me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize