Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
