Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
