I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
