No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
wow bdsm is so cute
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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