We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
