Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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