happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
