How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
