haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
