When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
