Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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