thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
