I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
time to smoke my breakfast
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
