Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
