nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
