I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
