and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
