He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
