Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
