I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
