I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
