Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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