Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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