I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
