$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
