there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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