My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
