girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
