Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
